Beyond the Plate: Why You Lack Energy as a Highly Sensitive Person
If you're struggling with trying to eat well, especially when also dealing with an autoimmune disease, you are likely TIRED. When you're feeling low energy and like you've already tried a lot of things to heal your body, it's no wonder you're feeling drained. A common place people start to look for healing the body and energy imbalances is through the lens of clean eating, eating less sweets, and eating healthier.
However, focusing solely on the food—while important—misses a crucial part of the picture. It's essential to widen the lens and consider the suppressed emotions, trauma, and boundaries that often lie at the heart of these struggles. The root of your energy depletion may go far beyond what's on your plate.
- In this article -
Energy drains:
childhood trauma
the habit of "self-silencing"
people pleasing and not being authentic
self-betrayal and self-criticism
Energy givers:
making space for emotions
being gentle with yourself around food
Embracing self-compassion as a practice
Prefer to watch a video of me speaking about this?
Energy drain #1: childhood trauma
In my experience dealing with gut issues, skin problems, autoimmune diseases, and pain, I attribute a large part of my lack of energy throughout the years to the fact that I am a highly sensitive person and was simply living in a way that didn't support that sensitivity at all.
I'd never heard the term "masking" until I was an adult. Masking, a term often used to describe how individuals with autism hide their true selves to fit in, resonated deeply with me even though I don't have this diagnosis. I realized I was also hiding my true feelings and adapting to others' expectations, which drained my energy.
I often felt like a chameleon, blending in wherever I am. I would even twist myself into pretzels to ensure others' comfort, no matter the cost to myself. This behavior, I realized, was an unconscious survival strategy I'd developed early in life—one that was now draining my energy.
Understanding this about myself, my people-pleasing and other-centered tendencies has been key in not only regaining my energy from my struggles with my health and ups and downs with eating but also in supporting me in healing on a deeper level.
In what is becoming more common knowledge in alternative and conventional medicine circles, both disordered eating and autoimmune diseases can stem from being raised by emotionally immature, abusive, or neglectful parents who centered their needs over their children's.
While this checks out as true for me, even if you don't relate to this specific experience, simply being female in Western culture exposes you to systems that don't support your full humanity. From organized religion to schooling norms, these systems often dictate how you should look and act, overshadowing your authentic self and lived experiences.
Energy drain #2: the habit of "self-silencing"
Research has shed light on a phenomenon known as "self-silencing." Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, in their book "Intuitive Eating," define it as "a gendered phenomenon influencing women's mental health that refers to the suppression of one's thoughts, feelings, and needs." Their research reveals that women with high levels of self-awareness combined with high levels of self-silencing have a higher incidence of disordered eating-related behaviors.
Growing up in a patriarchal culture, we often learn to cater to others' needs and whims, frequently at the expense of our own. This pattern, ingrained from a young age, can lead to significant energy depletion over time.
Have you noticed when you silence yourself and your needs? If, not pay attention this week to when you notice yourself holding back from saying what you think or expressing your needs.
Self-silencing is closely tied to the habit of not being true to yourself. When you're constantly suppressing your own needs, it often leads to an exhausting pattern of masking your true self.
Energy drain #3: people pleasing and not being authentic
I habitually fell into freeze or fawn states as a response to unbearable or unwinnable situations that made me feel unsafe and scared. While these adaptations helped me feel safe and prioritize belonging in the moment, especially as a child, they came at a cost.
It’s the need to always be on our best behavior, to appease others. We do this regardless of what we think or feel on the inside, out of fear of the consequences. This causes problems later as adults when we get stuck in these responses, leaving us wondering: Who are we? What are our needs? How do we want to be in the world?
So I offer that you may not be feeling capable of living your life fully and have the energy to do so because it takes so much energy to not be yourself, to constantly be aware of and anticipating the needs of others, to plan and prepare for the future so that you can ensure everything will be ok when at the moment you are actually anything but ok.
There's no room for rest or letting go when you're trying to control yourself and others and the whole world to have others see you in the right light so that you are valuable to them, regardless of how you feel about yourself. Recovering from people pleasing and not allowing yourself to be authentic are huge levers
Energy drain# 4: self-betrayal and self-criticism
My healing journey has been slow and spiral-like. Just when I think I've healed this pattern of self-betrayal and made huge changes in my life, something new will come up to show me where I’m still not free. It’s just like showing me where there is an opportunity for more bravery, to be more authentic, to self-edit less.
In addition to the enormous amount of energy it takes to put on a mask, play a role, and present outwardly as others want you to instead of what would be more authentic to your actual core self and needs, preferences, and interests is the amount of energy it takes to withstand the sometimes self-critical voices.
When these punishing voices are left unchecked, it can make facing challenges seem insurmountable and zap your energy reserves.
Sometimes the inner critic’s voice can feel so familiar that you’re unable to recognize it as separate from your own voice. But the inner critical voice that judges you for your body, your disease, your eating, your unhealed trauma, and your emotions can make dealing with whatever it is that you’re facing that much harder. Especially if it goes unrecognized, it's one of the biggest energy zappers out there.
A specific practice that has supported me in breaking some of these habitual patterns is daily meditation. Meditation or any similar mindfulness-based practice can help you tune inward and cultivate a larger meta-awareness that separates you from your thinking and actions.
Energy giver #1: making space for emotions
One way that frees up our energy and can help us untie our energy from others is by giving ourselves space to feel our emotions. Giving yourself time and space to process emotions regularly is a powerful act of self-love. As Brené Brown says, attention is one of the most underrated forms of love. Lovingly attending to yourself first can keep you centered without unconsciously giving yourself away to others.
Here's a personal example: The other day, the other day, I woke up feeling unsettled, with a heaviness I couldn't quite name. So, I drove to a nearby trail and listened to some music along the way. I started to cry and allowed myself to sit in the car, letting the emotions move through me before my walk. It wasn't entirely comfortable, but the crying and walking were cathartic. It was necessary and far better than numbing with food later or taking out my emotions on those around me.
I invite you to imagine what might happen if you intentionally carved out time and space to allow yourself to feel your emotions fully?
Energy giver #2: being gentle with yourself around food
When it comes to food, judging yourself less (or not at all) for what you eat can free up significant energy. The negative thoughts and self-criticism about your choices often drain more energy than the food itself.
Consider this: Eating Cheetos or chocolate while genuinely enjoying them likely takes less energy than forcing yourself to eat veggie sticks when you really want something else. Eating without being in a nervous system state of activation causes slows digestion.
Regardless of what you eat, allowing your body to be in “rest and digest” mode before you eat helps you to physically digest food better. The key to eating while your body’s nervous system is in a parasympathetic response is to approach your choices with self-compassion rather than judgment.
Energy giver #3: Embracing self-compassion as a practice
Self-compassion is both a choice and a practice to return to repeatedly. One way to reframe your thinking is to ask yourself: "Would I say this to a child?" If not, I invite you to think about what you would tell your (or someone else’s) child?”
When the inner critic is especially loud or harsh or when I am dealing with difficult emotions, one of my favorite practices comes from self-compassion researcher Kristen Neff’s 10-minute guided meditation, soften, soothe, allow.
If any of these energy drains resonated with you, you may want to take the first step to towards addressing this. For example, you could set aside some time to reflect on what is personally draining your energy in your life or carve out some time to journal to process when big emotions come up for you.
Remember, healing is a process. By addressing the deeper roots of your energy depletion—including childhood experiences, societal pressures, and self-silencing—you can begin to reclaim your vitality. It's not just about what you eat; it's about nourishing your sensitive soul with kindness, understanding, and authentic self-expression.
As you move forward, be gentle with yourself. Recognize that you're doing the best you can with the resources you have. By cultivating self-compassion and addressing these hidden energy drains, you're taking powerful steps toward living a more energized, authentic life.
Jayne Anne Ammar
